* Disclaimer *
This song is not finished and probably will never be.
I started writing this just after Zofia passed away. A lot was happening in my head, but I didn't know how to express it. I wanted to create a way to communicate, so I decided arrange my thoughts into a true work of passion and show my investment.
The problem is, even tough I commited so much time to what I was doing - I disliked it. I don't know why, maybe it's that I think what I made doesn't live up to the importance of the matter. I was coming back to it time and again for months, but was never satisfied with any outcome I got working on this project.
With time, my dislike turned into hatred. I started to be frustrated. I believed I can do something good, I thought I learned and umproved and what's left is just putting it to use. After some time, that faith evaporated from me, alongisde fun which music used to bring me.
I feel abandoned. Alone with my emotions. Like I proved myself to be a failure. I tried my best to be optimistic, but honestly... I feel cut off. Other people moved on from me, they make and release their own stuff.
Now that I'm writing this, I think the best course of action is for me to move on too. I need to live. This song was supposed to be freeing, but it did the opposite to me. Maybe the best way to commemorate death is to do your best to live life to the fullest.
Updated 22.03.2023
